Complete
It happens every week
A trip the the market
to buy food for what seems like
a year
Soon I’m home
The trunk taunting me
with the work I have
don’t know how I’ll do it
I stare at the bags
Overwhelmed they stare back
I can’t do it
No! you can
You can
One by one
each bag of cold frozen bricks
feeling heavier
weighing me down
I have them all
ready start my journey
slowly step by step
the bags are knives in my limbs
almost there
Finally I make it
Painfully freeing my arms
The list is empty, fridge full
once again the job complete
I love how you depicted a weekly toil that every person goes through in such a unique way. Carrying groceries back home really is a struggle! I really liked the line breaks in this poem and how there seemed to be no rigid rules regarding the stanzas. The lines that were stanzas on their own such as "you can" and "almost there" successfully conveyed the speaker cheering herself on till she finally got rid of the grocery bags. The metaphors of the grocery bags- "cold, frozen bricks" and "knives in my limbs"- made the poem so descriptive. Great job on making a weekly task interesting! -Abigail Adler
ReplyDeleteI definitely appreciated the poetic expression of such a humdrum task as grocery shopping. I definitely relate to the line "The trunk taunting me". I think the metaphor could have been developed more. I am not sure if the groceries were a metaphor for something else like homework or if the poem is to be taken literally.
ReplyDeleteThe structure of the poem was very creative. The one-line stanzas provided emphasis and focus on how the speaker felt about her tasks. I do wish the word choice would have been a little more sophisticated though.
I like when poems describe a simple story in an insightful new way. There is some comical aspect to this poem in how dramatic the narrative is described with images of knives, pain, and bricks. The positive end gives a feel-good moment of relief to the readers that anyone can identify with when an annoying task is completed. I love love the bags staring back, as if they are villains in the story. Funny!
ReplyDeleteThis is an interesting poem. It combines a lot of the daily chores that hang over our heads and that definitely makes it relatable. I assume the groceries are a metaphor for something deeper but since you describe it as week after week, I'm a bit unsure as to what it is-what daunting task besides grocery shopping comes weekly? If the metaphor was developed with maybe a little bit more detail I think I might be able to understand it better. I like the phrase "frozen bricks" because frozen gives me the sense that the task is hard to jab at, like even if you're ready to begin, its hard to make headway with it because its frozen and hard to breakthrough. I don't love the sound of the list is empty, maybe a different word because the list doesn't become empty, it still exists on the paper, its just that now everything has been checked off. Like i said before, the overall picture is definitely relatable: I'm picturing my trunk after a Costco shop; not knowing where to begin, what to take first, how many back and forth trips to the fridge it will take, or even if everything will fit. I think that is also an aspect of the burdens that you are metaphorically describing-sometimes you don't know if you even have "space" to manage all of it, but at the end, you've filled your fridge and successfully managed everything! The one line stanza's in the middle kind make me imagine the reader stopping, and it does the same in the poems by creating a sort of pause which is cool!
ReplyDeleteI really did enjoy the poem! It was really fun and I felt the playfulness and thoughtlessness of going to the grocery store and then the burden of coming home to all the work that puts you back in real life.
ReplyDeleteWhat I was thinking as I was reading the first few stanzas is what Professor Miller says about showing and not telling. Such as "with the work I have
don’t know how I’ll do it" maybe just explore that more and go more into the feeling and incorporate more details, maybe even some metaphors.
I especially loved the line "each bag of cold frozen bricks
feeling heavier
weighing me down" which made me really feel the hardship you were feeling and was so expressive. Great Job!!
Hmm, not sure about this one. I assume it's a controlling metaphor poem, but I don't know what the metaphor is for. Or why taking groceries home is portrayed as such a terrible task. Isn't this pretty normal stuff? I wondered if this was a parody of self-pity maybe? It seems a little weird to have so much trouble putting away the groceries.
ReplyDeleteI also don't understand "the trunk" line. Trunk? What kind of trunk? I'm perplexed.
The idea that the bags hurt as much as knives in one's limbs seems pretty extreme.
I guess I just don't get this one. It feels rushed to me, too, with some moments that seem dashed off without much thought, resulting in a very prosy feel.
Consider working with more of the traditional tools of poetry: sounds of words, distinct images, rhythmic use of language. I think you might like the results!
I really related to this poem. When I come back from grocery shopping I always try to get everything in at once.The poem was clear in the sense that it told a story. Maybe it speaks about everyday challenges? How people try to get everything done at once no matter the pain? I really enjoyed how the speaker personified the grocery bags when she wrote "I stare at the bags overwhelmed they stare back."
ReplyDeleteGood job!
I really related to this poem. When I come back from grocery shopping I always try to get everything in at once.The poem was clear in the sense that it told a story. Maybe it speaks about everyday challenges? How people try to get everything done at once no matter the pain? I really enjoyed how the speaker personified the grocery bags when she wrote "I stare at the bags overwhelmed they stare back."
ReplyDeleteGood job!